checking out of toxic online game
there was a storm this weekend and i spent the entire weekend indoors. regrettably i rotted and did not enjoy myself at all. i was on habbo (hotel).
you may or may not recognise the name of the game. it’s not exactly a game as such, more of a location and expanded upon chat room from the 00s made with love in finland.
i played a lot when i was younger but returned earlier this year after a nine year absence. it killed a lot of time while i was bored in the early stages of debt repayment. i’ve met some lovely people but i’m finding myself emotionally drained by other people that i’ve met. a lot of 30+ year olds that have nothing else to do other than be miserable and bring people down.
i made a couple of friends that have both not ended well. after the first friendship broke down i learned all about my attachment anxiety and how i built up people to higher standards and relied on them emotionally (and have regrettably done a few times in the past). the second one was most recent and it’s opened my eyes up to the stockholm syndrome i’m putting myself through.
should i care that someone i’ve spoken to no longer wants to continue being friends? absolutely not. but i’ve found myself wounded and bothered. you’ll only have my word to go off on but i promise i did not do anything to hurt or harm anyone. i’ll be honest and say i’m probably a bit lonely, so i’ve invested my time into friendships and when they’ve ended i’m bummed out.
note: this has never happened to me in real life. i’m not popular by any means but i have had the same best friends for years and i love them dearly.
i know i’m not all bad because i’ve had the pleasure of meeting eight people in person from habbo over the years.
i’ve also found some fond friendships with a lot of australians on habbo. they’re not toxic at all and i’ll always treasure their kindness.
but it’s not worth feeling like this. how does a game that’s filled with people make me feel more lonelier than being alone myself?
i haven’t logged on since sunday and i can already feel the change. i’m happier, feel more productive and fulfilled.
will i stop playing altogether? probably not entirely. i would like to keep in touch with those that i care about. i just will no longer put myself in toxic environments and let myself get bothered.